


I'm hoping that's the way that this goes

by hashtagthot



Category: Beyoncé Knowles (Musician)
Genre: F/M, NNNN?, but idk yet, is this angsty?? it feels like it, it upset me tbh
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-11
Updated: 2017-02-21
Packaged: 2018-09-23 15:22:47
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,765
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9663413
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hashtagthot/pseuds/hashtagthot
Summary: "Do you know what you want?"





	1. What we've got is one of a kind

It had been almost five months and Beyoncé was finally starting to feel like she was getting the hang of her job. In fact, she would say she was killing it at her job. She had her own desk, a large, circular thing made of wood and glass, that sat in the middle of the main office amongst all the worker bees and that happened to make her feel really professional. Not only that, it allowed her to people watch and eavesdrop when she was bored. Technically, it wasn’t really her desk, she was supposed to be Jordan’s personal assistant and this desk was meant for the office secretary but since the actual secretary had quit, Beyoncé had picked up the slack.

She quickly found out her coworkers were loose lipped people and that they worked smart, not hard. They’d roll their chairs over to her very professional desk, files she wasn’t authorized to read in hand, and in exchange for her doing some of their work for them, they’d tell her stories about all the various “recreational activities” that went on before she got hired. Doing the normal job of the office secretary was one thing but now she found herself doing more than she was getting paid for. She didn’t mind it much, she kind of liked the extra work; it made her feel useful.

Today, it was Harper, the audacious bleached blonde from ohio, who was trading with Beyoncé. “Hello, beautiful. How's your day going? How's the fiancè?”

Beyoncé looked up,“Just get to the point.” She liked that around here she could be as rude as she pleased, everyone was and there were never any hard feelings afterwards. It was a strangely addicting environment.

“Majid.”

Beyoncé nodded, she had met him several times and each meeting was a bit more bizarre than the last. “What about him?"

The spearmint gum Harper was chewing on made a popping sound and she rolled her chair closer to Beyoncé. “Cute right?”

He was very cute and since everyone in the office seemed to touch and agree on that, Beyoncé felt comfortable enough to admit that, she too, owned a working pair of eyes. “He’s a little more than cute.”

“He’s a beautiful man and he’s very charming and very rich.”

“Where is this going?”

“Total playboy.”

Beyoncé kissed her teeth, “That’s it?”

Harper sat up straight in her chair. “That’s good juice.”

“Everyone knows that, I have to direct this man’s calls and give him his messages sometimes and a good sixty percent of them are from women who are always heartbroken. No shit he’s a playboy.”

“Okay, so maybe that was a little dry.”

She hummed.“Very dry and by the looks of it that file in your hands is very thick and I’m gonna need a nice story to hold me over while I go through it.”

Harper cracked her knuckles, “I was gonna save this for something big but whatever. You stay overnight don’t you? I worked all night when I was the secretary.”

“I work as long as he works most of the time.”

“By he, you mean Jordan?”

“The person I’m actually supposed to be working for? My actual boss? Yes.”

Harper frowned, “Semantics.”

“Carry on with your story.”

“I haven’t worked the night shift in a long time, however, men are very habitual creatures so I’m assuming things are the same.”

Beyoncé had an inkling of a feeling she knew what this was about, “Majid’s suspicious late night meetings with those girls who get paid by the hour?”

Harper fist slammed onto Beyoncé’s nice, professional desk. “Fuck it, you know too much.”

“I’m a fast learner.”

“I see why he’s keeping you around, now.”

“You didn't before?”

“I had a few theories.”

“Like?”

“First couple days, I thought diversity points but you’re on the lighter side.”

Beyoncé’s eyebrows furrowed,“I don’t know if I feel comfortable having the conversation that we need to have in order to unpack that right now.”

Harper continued, “Then I realized it could have something to do with your memory.”

“I do remember everyone’s coffee order.”

“It’s very scary, but my latest theory is that Jordan has a little crush on you.”

A lump formed in her throat, “Why would you think that?”

“Because you’re pretty, you suck up, Jordan calls you into his office an awful lot.”

“For work purposes and I am not a suck up.”

“That’s what they all say.”

Beyoncé tried her best to sound uninterested,“What does that mean?”

“You know why your job has a high turnover rate? It’s because your boss tends to show all his secretaries a little too much love and then none at all.”

Her mouth felt dry and she had to force her next words out, “I think-I think you’re being a little ridiculous.”

“Ask his ex fiance.”

“Fiance?”

“The secretary that got the axe? You’re at her desk.” She studied Beyoncé’s face for a hint of emotion and all she got was a vacant stare even though inside she felt deflated.

Harper opened her mouth to speak but the phone on Beyoncé’s desk cut her off. Beyoncé glanced at the caller id, it was Jordan but she didn’t move to answer it.

“You should probably answer that.”

“I will.” She didn't move and Jill fixed a steady burning gaze onto her.

“I don't wanna tell you how to do your job but-”

Beyoncé held up her hand and put the phone to her ear, “Jordan.”

“I need you in here, Bey it's an emergency.” His voice was thick and low with no signs of urgency, she felt it between her thighs.

She was hyper aware of Harper's presence and it seemed like somehow she could hear Jordan on the other line. She tried to sound professional and unaffected, “Is anyone hurt?”

“No, baby but it's gonna start to hurt.” Beyoncé almost laughed

Harper’s expression didn't change and Beyoncé took that as a sign of safety, “That's not an emergency, Jordan.”

“But it kind of is.”

“I'm working.”

“You're not working, I can see you.”

Beyoncé’s head whipped around to the glass doors of his office and sure enough there was a crack in the blinds.

“You're not having an emergency.”

“Bey.”

“Jordan.” Harper mouthed for her to hang up, she ignored it.

“If you're good to me now, I'll be so good to you later.”

Beyoncé was sure her skin was turning pinker by the second.

“I'm gonna hang up.”

He groaned, “Aren't you my assistant?”

“Yes.”

“Come assist me.”

Harper watched as Beyoncé hung up the phone and stood up.

“You're like his little lap dog.”

Beyoncé was speed walking to Jordan’s door and Harper rolled alongside her in her chair, “I'm not.”

“You're sucking up.”

“I’m doing my job if I was sucking up he wouldn't need to call me to his office because I'd be there.”

“You’re brown nosing.”

Her hand gripped the door handle, “I’ll talk to you later, Harper.”

“I’m leaving that folder on your desk.”

She shook her head, opening the door and closing it behind her. Jordan was bent over, digging through a file cabinet. His jacket was off and the sleeves of his grey shirt were rolled up to his elbows, he had left off his tie today and left a few buttons open on his shirt, tufts of hair on his chest peaked through.

“What’s the emergency?”

He looked up, still digging, “Three emergencies now.”

“What could they be?”

He sighed and proceeded to list them as if they were actually important,“I can’t find my ecstasy, I’m kind of hungry and my dick is hard.”

“I can help with like two of those.”

He collapsed into his seat and she crossed over to the far side of his office, pushing against the loveseat sofa and reaching behind it. He heard a soft zipping noise then the crinkling of plastic before she returned to his side.

“I actually hid it for you because you just keeping it in a file cabinet stresses me out.”

“You’re always thinking of me, Bey that’s why I like you.” The word like bothered her a little bit, she was sure that at this point they were past the ‘like’ stage but then she couldn’t say she loved him yet either. She had a fiance at home, and even though she knew it was love she felt for Jordan, she couldn’t say it to him yet, it’d be reckless. She brushed her feelings off.

He reached for the bag of pastel colored tablets and she held it away from his grasp, “I do have some concerns.”

“And they are?”

“You have a hard dick. How are the happy pills helping?”

“They aren’t happy pills, you need to learn your recreational drugs, miss Knowles.”

She rolled her eyes,“I’ll be sure to look into it.”

“Speaking of,” He trailed off, eyeing her as she sat on the edge of his desk and crossed one leg over the other, causing her skirt to edge a few inches up her thighs. His tongue trailed over his bottom lip and he traced a line with his finger over the outline of his aching hard on, before he regained his train of thought, “When do you become Mrs. Knowles-Graham?”

Her expression didn’t change but Jordan had spent plenty of time watching her. Not on purpose, he just liked looking at her to the point where sometimes he felt he was being weird but she didn’t mind it; she liked being the center of his attention. Hours upon hours, studying her facial expressions and body language, learning her subtlest mannerisms, so he knew by the small vein that appeared in her forehead and the slightest lift of her eyebrows that she was uncomfortable and maybe even a little upset by his question. The unsteady lower octave her voice took when she answered only strengthened that.

“We haven’t been able to settle on a date yet.” She was trying hard not to sound as tense as she felt because the truth was that she didn’t want to pick a date and she’d went out of her way to stall doing it.

“Well, when you do find one make sure you let me know so I can clear my schedule.” He adjusted in his seat, scooting it closer to her.

“Who said you’re invited?”

“You have to invite your work friends.”

She kicked off her heels and stretched her foot, breathing in deep when the joints in her toes cracked,“Since when are we friends?”

“I consider you a really good friend.”

“Of course.”

He took her ankles in his hands and placed her feet on the armrests of his chair, “Friends help friends.”

“I am not your friend.”

“You’re kind of like my girlfriend now, aren’t you?”

She dropped her feet to the ground, “No, I’m engaged, you have like thirty “lady friends” or whatever it is you call them and I work for you and all of this is just pre-wedding panic.”

It stung to say and Beyoncé figured it probably hurt to hear but then again she could never quite tell with him, he wasn’t the most emotionally open person. She couldn’t understand why it upset her so much to have to lay out all the reasons they couldn’t work. Maybe it had something to do with how he didn’t seem upset at all.

“I have a good friend that’s a pretty big wedding planner and if you want, I could slide her your number.”

“I don’t want you to do that.”

“You’re worried about the waiting list, huh? Don’t worry about it I can get you to the top of the list.”

She was growing agitated at the self-satisfied look on his face,“I don’t want you to get me to the top of any list. I don’t need a fucking wedding planner.”

“Is it a money thing? I know your guy isn’t...well off,” The vein in her forehead was growing by the second, he pushed on anyways, “Tell you what, I’ll get you a discount.”

“Jordan, you’re not funny.”

“You drive a hard bargain, I’ll pay for it and all you have to do is-”

She hopped down from his desk, “You’re a fucking asshole.”

He grabbed her hand before she could storm out in the angry, dramatic way she planned, “Why not just admit you don’t want to marry him?”

“Because I do.” Her voice was unfamiliar to herself, it felt like she was hearing it played back off an answering machine and even her voice on her answering machine she could somewhat recognize; this sounded like a different person, one she had heard speaking in passing on the street before.

“Do you really?” Now was a good time evaluate what she had with her fiance. He was a pretty great guy. She’d been with him since she was 15 and she was gonna be 23 in a few months. He was comfortable, he was reliable, he took care of her the best he could and she knew him a lot better than she knew Jordan. He wasn’t a risk.

“Yeah, I do.”

“The next time you spend the day with me and go home to him, I want you to think of that.”

“Jordan, drop it.”

“And when he can’t make his half of the rent and I step in and cover it for you, think of that.”

“Is that what you think makes you better? You have money and he doesn’t? Because I don’t know if it occurred to you or not but I’m just as broke as he is and when I first came out here, I was living in some kind stranger’s basement while he worked and got us into that shitty little apartment that you talk down on all the time; do you know that’s the best place I’ve lived since I was 11 and the only actual house I’ve ever lived in burned down?”

Jordan looked apologetic and before he could think too fast and say something to make her forgive him, she went on, forcing herself to stay angry because it felt like the right thing to do,

“Did you know that my father wasn’t always broke, he used to buy my mother anything she wanted and take her everywhere but then they had kids, he lost his job and the nice, rich man my mother thought would take care of her burned his own house down for insurance money.”

He was looking at her face, never meeting her eyes, “I know you think I’m just a poor girl who doesn’t know what’s good for her but I think I have reasons to be apprehensive.You don’t even see me as an equal, you think I’m just your little pet project.”

He let go of her wrist and slid his hand into hers instead, finally seeming to get up the nerve to speak, Beyoncé had never seen him have to do that before. “I’m sorry.”

She crossed her arms waiting for him to continue, “I do treat you like a pet project sometimes but that’s just because I thought you would like it not because I think you’re below me.”

“Who told you getting treated like charity was romantic?”

“Not charity, I just want to take care of you.”

“You don’t know me and you think less of the people just like me that sounds a lot like charity.”

He was getting visibly defensive and she could feel them both reaching towards their boiling points. “That’s how my father treated my mother.”

“Obviously that didn’t work because they’re divorced, Jordan; what is wrong with you?”

He rubbed at his temple, the skin there turned pink. “That’s how it is.”

“How what is?” Beyoncé wondered if he would yell at her or throw something, have some kind of violent outburst, they’d never fought before, she didn’t know what to expect.

“Business, is that way, when you’re poaching employees from other companies you have to win them over and I tried to win you over but you wouldn’t leave and I don’t know this guy but I know one of his weaknesses, business says to bring attention to it and make it seem like things would be better over here...with me.”

His voice only became more pleading and gentle, it felt like he was begging for it to be over. She couldn’t let it be.

“Jordan, has no one ever told you no before?”

“I’m a sore loser.”

“I’m not a business deal or a prize. I’m a person and the only reason you’re losing is because he treats me like one and you don’t.”

He reminded her of a wounded puppy and the resemblance only grew stronger when he sounded hurt, "Don't say things like that, I can fix it. ”

She coughed and it felt like her chest was caving in, she was sniffling and her body convulsed the way it would when she cried really hard but she wasn’t crying, she was just angry and confused and frustrated,“Can you? Do you know how to? I don’t know what you want with me. Do you know what you want?”

They spent several seconds that felt like minutes, looking at each other, her trying to make eye contact and him avoiding it.

She figured that was all the answer she needed, “I think you just want to win. I think you want to take me from him and then put me up in a nice place and dress me up so you can show me off like, ‘Look what I made’ until you get bored and then you’ll be stuck because you made me leave and you’d feel bad if you dumped me but that’s not what I want when I let myself think about ever having a future with you.”

“That’s not what I want.”

“Really? Because you don’t take me serious.”

“I can be serious. I just-” She waved her hand and cut him off.

“I don’t wanna hear anymore excuses, you have women that really want you and would be happy to share you. I think you should try them because this isn’t working.”

“I don’t want them, I just keep them around because they’re easy to be with and I don’t have to think about it.”

“I don’t care, Jordan. Who wants easy? Being with me would be hard, I filter myself for you now and it’s still hard. You just don’t know what you want.”

“I know what I want.”

“What is it then?”

“I want you to choose me, no one’s ever done that before.”

“That’s not true and you know it.”

“You don’t know, Bey, I buy people and then when they get to know me it’s not worth it anymore and they leave, but you know me. You have to know I’m trying.”

She did know, and even though she thought he could try a little harder, she liked that she was getting to know a more vulnerable side to him.

She wiped at tears that hadn’t fallen and slid her shoes back on, “I have to think about it.”

"You've been thinking about it."

"I have to think again."


	2. The things we say to each other.

The thing that stuck with Beyoncé when she made her way home was how much she felt like a hypocrite. Aubrey was in the kitchen eating on a mammoth sized sub when he saw her and she couldn't say she was happy to see him.

“You’re home early.” She wasn’t she just didn’t go out with Jordan this time.

“I finished all my work ahead of schedule and my boss didn’t need me so…”

He grinned and stood up, “You want some? I snuck it home from work.” He winked, he was the manager, he didn’t have to sneak it.

She liked the way he found joy in small things, “What’s on it?”

“Salami, provolone, turkey,” She started tuning him out and for the first time in a very long time she really looked him and thought about the person he was. The person he'd grown into over the years. Someone intelligent, kind and hardworking. Things she'd forced out of him before he even saw the potential in himself. Everything he was and everything he would go on to be in life was due to her and the endless encouragement she gave, and the long, sleepless nights filled with reassurance. Her sacrifices. Her investments. The suppression of her pain when she had to mourn the loss of her unborn child because if she seemed okay he would be okay and she led by example. All of those things shaped him, they made him, by force, try harder and to want more. She didn't make that up, he told her those things when he proposed and hearing that is what made her say yes not the love she was sure she felt for him.

He finished listing the contents of his sub and looked at her expectantly, she remembered she was supposed to be sharing it, “You said it has relish on it?”

 

“Little bit.” Why did it feel like she was living with a stranger?

“Don’t want it.” She thought of her mother telling her they were still learning to adjust to each other; she didn’t want to adjust to him anymore.

She was something like a hypocrite. She took this man, immature and lazy, and molded him into the best possible version of himself. Carried him on her back while she struggled to support her own weight and now? She was bored. He was too perfect, the flaws he had were tolerable and she even liked some of them. He wasn’t conquerable or challenging enough and when he spoke she had to force herself to find him engaging. She didn’t want to be that person to Jordan.

 

All that aside, he was a very real reminder of all the things she had left behind in Houston and that was nice at first, when she was homesick and when she cherished her roots, but now, it was a thorn in her side. As a child she didn’t dream about leaving home, she used to joke about living with her family until she was 30. The only reason she left was for Aubrey, he was always telling her how he missed travelling and living in a real city, not the “slummy public housing” neighborhoods they were stuck in. A part of her just thought he was saying it in an attempt to impress her, but she knew he really wanted out so, of course he jumped at the chance when the job she pushed him to get in the first place offered him a better paying position in New Jersey, and all he had to do was travel 1,623 miles. She was going to break up with him then, she felt they were growing apart anyways and him moving would be kind of a relief. She had gotten him this far and now he could spread his wings and fly away. Then he proposed and she had to say yes. 

Now she was here and she felt herself starting to like it. She was, at most, a fifty minute bus ride from New York; that was pretty exciting. She went there on a whim and ended up meeting a guy, who offered her a nice job. She went on a not-so-harmless date with said guy and called it a job interview. She felt herself becoming someone of her own, with new goals and desires and she really liked this guy and the job. He offered her a place actually in New York, not a few miles from it and it registered that now, more than ever, Aubrey was a weight around her ankles.

He touched her shoulder, “Are you okay? You look spaced out.”

 

“I don’t want you...” She paused, he blinked, she went on, “anymore and I think we should see other people.”

“Bey, what’s going on?”

“I’m not happy.” She blocked out the voice in her head that told her if she only tried a little bit harder she could be.

“Did I do something?” She couldn’t bring herself to meet his gaze and the word ‘Hypocrite’ flashed in her mind in bold letters just because of how she penalized Jordan when he couldn’t look in hers.

Aubrey’s face changed from confusion into annoyance and mild anger, “Is it because of the guy you’re fucking?”

For a quarter of a second Beyoncé froze and the color drained from her face, “I’m not fucking anyone.” When she thought about it technically, right in that moment she was telling the truth; she wasn’t fucking anyone right now. 

“I know about him, Bey and I know why you did it. I can't buy you things the way you deserve and I get why you felt you had to take that measure with him. You did it for us and you don't have to feel guilty.” 

She felt more sick than guilty; he always made things too comfortable, too easy to leave. 

“First of all, I don't need anyone to just buy me things, Aubrey, we're fucking starving and if I was accepting money, I would sure as hell be putting it towards the bills.” She was, Jordan had added little bonuses to her check plenty of times and she was always to guilty to actually use it to buy something for herself.

“I don't want another man paying my bills, Bey.” Well, it was too late for that.

“Does this really matter right now?”

“You're right, let's just talk about us.”

“There is no ‘us’ I stay out late hoping you're sleeping by the time I get home, every time you try to fuck me, I break out in hives because I don't want you anymore. I don't even think you want me I'm just a good listener. I'm more like a therapist at this point.”

“What's wrong with that?”

She nearly popped a blood vessel and he flinched at the volume and the animosity in her voice, “Because I’m not a fucking therapist, you selfish piece of shit.”

He looked genuinely confused and she noticed that for him this was coming out of nowhere, “We're a couple, we’re supposed to be there for each other.” 

“When are you there for me ever?”

His voice was quiet, “I thought we were doing really good. You let me think things were really good so I couldn't work at it and so you could whore yourself out guilt free.”

He wasn't completely off, “I don't want to do that anymore so, we should end it.” 

“So you can run off into the sunset with your boss and laugh about how stupid and poor I am?”

“I defended you all the time.”

This time he was the one to yell,“Oh, God, thank you SO much for taking the time in between fucking someone else to defend my honor, Beyoncé you're the best!”

At this point she just wanted the last word, “You're welcome!”

“You're the most self-serving person I've ever met.”

“Me? I uprooted my whole entire life for you. I made you into the best possible version of yourself and I didn't ask for anything in ret-”

He cut her off and it bothered Beyoncé that he’d never been so sure of himself before, “I was the fucking return. All the work you put in, you wouldn't have done that shit if I was a fucking stranger, you did it because you knew if I applied myself and got there you'd reap the benefits. You didnt care about my well-being and I didn't care because I'd do anything to make you happy. Only, now it's taking too long and you found someone already there so I get it; I'm old news but don't delude yourself into thinking you did me any favors.”

Beyoncé couldn't remember a time in her life when she'd felt so angry, or when she'd ever clenched her fists so hard the joints and muscles in her hand started to ache, the sound of her voice didn't echo that burning hot fury, it was cold and aloof. “So what?”

“That's mature.”

“No, I'm serious, so what if I made you a better person for myself? It's so sad for you that you're gonna go somewhere in life and shame on me for wanting that for you or even for me. Newsflash, idiot: I'm leaving you. I made you more than likable, I made you so perfect. I know you, and now that I'm leaving you're going to be more careful with the next girl and you know what? Whoever gets you next needs to thank me, in fact, when you're married, living in the big house that I made you want and she gets on her knees to blow you I want you to know that it belongs to me. It’s my dick she should be sucking. I did that and no one else would let you go out and be successful the way I am but I'm a selfless fucking person. I gave this world a gift.”

He grabbed her face and kissed her hard and desperate and as soon as it registered in her mind what he was doing she yanked away and pushed him off, sending his back into the counter.

They were both quiet, all but for their heavy breathing before she finally looked up, “I don't want it.”

He ran his thumb over his bottom lips, “Yeah, I see.”

“I'll come by and get my things.”

“Where are you staying? If you need me to put you up in a hotel or something I can scrape up a little cash.”

“I got it.”

“He's got it.”

“Just..try not to be home when I come back.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was like hard to write??? Just because Aubs is semi likable and I felt for him a little bit but then also he's a man and so....eh who cares ukwim.


	3. We can get along if only you trust in me.

After the seemingly eternal bus ride, Beyoncé tried her very best to avoid going to Jordan’s but walking down a dark street in a city where she didn’t know anyone weakened her resolve. She had a pretty good memory and that helped in finding her way to the ritzy neighborhood he lived in and it wasn’t too far from where she worked but it still took a few hours just because she was on her feet. By the time she reached the security gate she was sweating and aching in places she didn’t know she could ache. 

“Next time we break up with someone, we do it after we put on some flats.” She said to herself before getting startled by the sound of the intercom buzzing and looked up at the booth on the far right side of the gate.

“Hello there, Miss Knowles.” She recognized the voice as, Gil, Jordan’s elderly security guard who was way past the point of retirement. 

She walked over to the booth, giving the sweetest smile she could muster in her condition, “Hello Gil.”

He looked down at his clipboard, “Jordan didn’t say you were coming today.”

“Well, I was kind of hoping to surprise him.”

“That’s nice of you, but you’re not on the visiting list.”

“I mean, I’m his assistant, I add people to the list all the time, I’ve added myself to the list before.”

“That's beforehand, miss Knowles. Think about it, if I let you add yourself to the list I'd have to do it for everybody.”

“Okay, but I'm not everybody, he knows me.”

“And you didn't call and tell him to add you to the list.”

“See, but if I told him I was coming, it’d ruin the surprise.”

“Can’t let you in if you’re not on the list.”

She stomped like a petulant child. Her day had been far too long, “Why the hell not?”

He shrugged, “It’s a security risk.”

“Look at me, what could I possibly do?”

“Looks can be deceiving.”

She held in a scream of frustration, “Why don’t you pat me down and make sure there’s nothing on me and let me in.”

He stared at her for a minute before stepping out of the booth and giving a far too thorough search and she resented that she couldn’t call him a pervert because she needed a favor. 

“Find any weapons?" She asked, annoyance tinging her voice when he gripped at her thigh for the third time.

He stood up straight and put his hands on his hips, “All clear.”

“Thank you.”

“But you’re not on the list, I still can’t let you in.”

“Sir, for fucks sake, it’s a gate that would lead me to his door, which he would have to peep through and open himself. This isn’t the goddamn white house,” She could feel blood rushing in her ears. 

“I don’t know how serious you take your job, Miss Knowles but I don't slack off on mine.”

“Gil, we both know you are on your way out of this life and I don't know how you've lived it up until now but I do know that, in the bible, it says to ‘Love your neighbor’ or something like that and I'm sure that it would make the man upstairs really proud if you were to do me this one solid, this one time.”

She folded her hands in front of her, waiting for him to reach deep inside of himself and find the slightest bit of compassion, but today was not her day.

“We're not neighbors and you're not on the list.”

“Oh, go to hell!”

He seemed to be getting a kick out of her exasperation, “Now, miss Knowles, would you like me to call him and ask if he would like to see you?”

She swore if she heard her last name coming from his mouth again she would scream,“You could've just done that in the beginning.”

“You didn't ask.”

She waited while he dialed Jordan's phone number painfully slow and then for what felt like an eternity for him to actually pick up.

She could hear him due to the high volume Gil had the phone set to, “What's good, Gilligan?”

“I have a Beyoncé Knowles here to see you,” He made a point to sound out the vowels in her name.

She mouthed a ‘Really?’ while Jordan made a surprised noise.

“That's strange.”

“That's what I said.”

“Thanks G, you can let her in.”

She rolled her eyes, amused at how weirdly friendly he was with everyone who worked for him. It was pretty sweet in her book even if Some of them didn't deserve it.

She made her way up the long footpath to his door and knocked gently, feeling shy and embarrassed for what she was about to ask.

He cracked open the door and stepped out and she bit back a laugh at his Superman pajama pants. Not even because of the design, she'd just never seen him dressed this casually.

“Cute.” 

He didn't look like he found anything funny, “What are you doing here?”

“I wanted to talk to you.”

“About?”

“Things...and stuff.”

He disappeared into the house leaving the door open and she figured that was her invitation inside. Sweet smelling air hit her nose on her way in and she heard the clattering of pans coming from the kitchen. 

She drifted in and he was melting butter on a griddle, not bothering to acknowledge her.

She went to sit at the island, not knowing if she was supposed to wait until he finished to start explaining herself.

“You were supposed to be talking,” the sound of his voice made her jump and she figured it'd be easier to stand.

“Okay, so, yeah, I've been doing some thinking and I realized that earlier today, I was a little hard on you,” She trailed off hoping he'd catch her drift.

“That was fast, I mean, that's a shit apology but that was fast.”

She pretended that he cut her off,“Let me finish. I said some hurtful things and I'm sorry.”

He ladled batter onto the griddle and turned to face her, “You came all this way to tell me that?”

“No.”

“Out with it then and you're still in your work clothes, why don't you tell me what's going on?”

She felt his sincere concern and was comforted momentarily before it started to overwhelm her and tears leaked from her eyes, “I'm stupid.”

“What happened?”

“I was mean to you and I hurt you just because I hurt someone I cared about for you when I don’t know you that well and I got jealous because of fucking Harper and I just took it out on you when I should've been angry with myself. Cause, the truth is I don't know what I want and I wanted you to think I was a full person outside of you but I'm not really. Not yet anyways.”

Jordan blinked, attempting to process what she was saying and she kept going, hoping she'd eventually make her point, “I didn't have anything real with Aubrey and I’ve never had shit, my whole life and you scare me so much because if I let myself fall for you and someone took it away, I wouldn't know how to deal with it.”

“You said ‘didn't’.”

She sniffled and waved her hand, “That's my other thing, I was just thinking that, I really like you and I lied, things are really easy with him and I was using him as a safety net in case things went wrong and that's not fair, that's not how you treat people.”

“Bey, that's good stuff, but you've gotta get to the point.”

“Broke up with him, so I'm kind of homeless and I have no family and you're the only person whose address I know and that’s why you're getting this messy, garbage can pureé of an apology because I didn't have time to write it out and plan it. Your pancake is burning.”

He turned and flipped it over, “First one's always gross anyway.” 

She ignored him and pushed herself to actually apologize,“I'm sorry and if it helps, I really like you, a lot.”

“I know.”

“You know?”

“You're my girlfriend, why wouldn't you.”

“Since wh-”

He put his finger to her lips and kissed her forehead, “It would make perfect sense for my girlfriend to stay with me as long as she needs to.”

“This doesn't make me your girlfriend.”

He shrugged,“Well, friends help friends, don't they?”

She nodded.

“Why don't you run and shower and I'll make you some pancakes.” 

“Smart.”

“I try,” He kissed her forehead again before she made her way up the stairs to his bathroom, peeling off her clothes.

His shower was nearly the size of her bedroom and she always had a time messing with all the settings on the shower head. Not this time though, she was too tired and it was always better when Jordan was the one controlling it. 

She got out, wrapped a soft towel around herself and padded barefoot and dripping wet down to the kitchen. 

Jordan looked up from the pancakes he was stacking and grinned, “Feel better?”

“Yes.” 

He came from behind the counter and unwrapped her towel, she felt like a birthday present,“Clean behind your ears?”

“ Yes.” She was going to make a comment about him stripping her at a time like this but he wasn’t looking, only pulling her closer to him by the ends.

“You have a good cry?” 

She huffed out a laugh, “No. I think I did all my crying today.”

“You’ve got a nice crying face, mine’s pretty ugly.”

“I’ve never seen it.”

“Good, I hope you never do.”

“What if it’s a happy cry?”

“My happy crying’s actually pretty sexy.”

“That’s good to know,” He gave a hard tug until they were chest to chest and then held the ends of the towel behind his back and kissed the top of her head.

“You’re gonna get wet.”

“That’s what she said.”

“Jordan, please.”

He snorted, “That’s what you said.”

“I hope when you die you have to read every sex joke you’ve ever made to your ancestors while looking them in the eye.”

“I can’t really look all of them in the eye at the same time.”

She groaned.

“I’d have to have several eyes like a spider or something, which would be pretty cool but ugly as fuck. Now that I think about it, I wouldn’t allow myself into heaven if I saw me looking like that, it would be demonic.”

“You’re so fucking goofy.”

“I’m breaking the ice so I can ask my real question.”

She braced herself,“Shoot.”

“When you said you were jealous because of Harper, what did she do?”

“I miss your ice breakers.”

“Bey.”

“She told me you were engaged before,” He let out a heavy sigh that irritated her but she continued, “And she kind of said that this whole ‘torrid office love affair’’ thing isn’t that new for you.”

“Maybe we should go back to ice breakers.”

Now she had to know the details, it would eat her up inside if she didn’t. “It would make me feel a lot better if you told me about it.”

“Harper’s got a big mouth.”

“Yeah, I know, but what was she talking about?”

He shifted on his feet uncomfortably,“When I met you I was just getting out of something?”

“Something?”

“An engagement of some sorts.”

“You were engaged.”

“To the secretary and we broke up over something pretty stupid.”

“Which was?” 

“She liked someone else.”

“That must’ve hurt.”

“I knew that when I proposed.”

It aggravated her that she could feel there was more to this story,“And?”

“That’s it.”

“No it isn’t, you’re skipping. If you knew she liked someone, why didn’t you care.”

He let go of the towel and pulled his shirt off, “Well…”

She took it when he held it out to her and pulled it on, “Spit it out.”

“I was seeing other people.”

“The way you are now?”

“Worse?”

“How does it get worse?”

“I hardly fuck them. I talk on the phone and buy them shit.”

“And with her you just fucked them?”

“I did all three but to my credit, it wasn’t supposed to be serious.”

“She was halfway yelling, “You were engaged!”

“So were you.”

“…That’s fair.”

He shook his head and laughed, “Basically, my father showed up at the office and she and I were talking,” her eyebrows raised, “there was talking involved.”

“I don’t care, just finish.” She did care a little bit but she wanted the story more.

“He didn’t see anything he just put things together and it turned out, he really liked her.”

“And?”

“And I made the mistake of bringing her home and my sisters were actually getting along with her and I got the idea to marry her because it seemed like the right thing to do.”

She could definitely understand that.“That’s not so bad.”

“See, nothing to be jealous about.”

The person she was wouldn’t allow her to just hear those things and accept it, she had to make things about herself and this time she decided to do that by comparing that relationship to the one she had with Jordan. Then, it seemed extremely important to know every detail.

“Why’d you break it off?”

He sat down and started pouring syrup over his pancakes,“Long story.”

“Make it short.”

“Beyoncé.”

She mocked his tone,“Jordan. Tell me.”

He pushed a piece into his mouth,“My dad really liked her.” 

She must’ve spent over five minutes staring at him and trying to decipher what that meant because the conclusion she kept drawing was too ridiculous but became more plausible the more uncomfortable he started to get.

“Aren’t you hungry?” She noticed how tight he was gripping his fork.

She sat on the barstool opposite him and whispered as if someone was around to hear, “Did he fuck your fiance?”

He dropped his fork and it clattered against the ceramic plate, “Beyoncé, I’m eating.”

“Did he?”

“I don’t wanna talk about this anymore.”

“Fuck, he did,” she fell into a fit of giggles, “Is that why you don’t pick up when he calls you? Wow, that’s amazing.”

“I’m glad you think this is funny.”

“He’s like old. Not old-old, he’s youthful but shit, he’s like fifty.”

“It made me feel like shit, if you were wondering.”

“Would it help if I told you that your father is always rude to me when he calls in for you?”

“Yes, actually.”

“He’s said some unpleasant and offensive things.”

“He’s a republican."

“I figured.”

“I like you, Beyoncé, not the way I liked her.”

“I’m special?” She was being humorous but he wasn’t joking along.

“Very special and I don’t want you to think that I’m just using you. I bought those other girls, pretty much. I don’t have to do that with you which is throwing me for a loop because now, if I piss you off I have to do more than just get you a gift and that’s what I know.”

“Did that ever work?”

“Sometimes. When it didn’t I’d just let them go.”

“You should’ve treated them right in the first place.”

“I know.”

“And I’m not special just because I don’t want your gifts.”

“That’s not what I meant.”

“Buying people shit doesn’t mean you can just do what you want and anyways what makes you think I’d be impressed by you just saying I’m different?”

He seemed stumped.

“ If I’m so different then I think you should act a little different. The way you think I deserve.”

“I can do that.”

“But you made me pancakes and I can see you’re really trying, ridiculously hard. It’s cute.”

“And?”

“I thought about it some more and I guess you can call me your girlfriend, for now.”

He crossed over and kissed her on the cheek, “I’m not moving in with you, don’t get too excited.”

“We’ll look for places in a few weeks.”

“A few weeks?”

He buried his face in her neck,“I wanna have you to myself for a little while.”

“Are you always this greedy?”

“I’m pretty selfish, too.”

“What did I get myself into?”

“You didn’t think hard enough.”

“For a second, I thought you were gonna say ‘love’.”

“I was but you would’ve called me a cheeseball.”

She faked offense, “I would never do that, you’re such a baby.”

“I’m your baby.”

“Okay, you’re a cheeseball.” 

"I'm your-"

"Jordan, shut the fuck up."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow im gay bitch

**Author's Note:**

> yikes tht took a turn


End file.
